I am free. I don’t have to prepare for the examination, at least till next year. When we don’t have exam, we have nothing to do. Just yawn and sit, and doze off.
Literally, I have ample time to do anything in the world. Taking advantage of leisure hour, I am venturing on next book. Do I sound crazy? I haven’t published one yet! (Editor working on it). I am venturing on another. Is it necessary to write another book only after publishing one? Should I see if my genre works in the market? Should our work sells like salt?
I am unsure if my genre will work, yet I am writing one after another. But I console myself saying, “When you write from your heart, it should work.”
I started with evening walk with earphone plugged in my ears. It is just so beautiful. I get ample time to contemplate on many things. Many things play deep in my mind. I could give much time for myself. The ironical paradox of human life! More I learn, lesser I seem to know. By this time, next year, I would be a graduate. One among the thousands. I would be there in Bhutan, like many other graduates hunting for the job. I started to ask, am I ready? Three years in college, but I feel like it has just been three months. I tried to recollect what I learnt, I often turn blank.
How would I treat so many patients who come to me with much expectation? Is it a deficiency of self-esteem or side effect of deep contemplation?
Life is often an irony for me.
Why faithfulness doesn’t get rewarded with faithfulness? Why we feel so much but express so less? Why vices outshine the goodness? When I have enough time, I have nothing meaningful to do. When I wanted to do something meaningful, I had no time. Sometimes, I feel like I am planted with someone’s ideas which are not mine, yet I cannot tell it is not mine. I wanted to write so many things in my blog yet I could not. I have numerous grave issues about which I wanted to write, yet could not write a word. Suicide is much talked about topic in social media. I too wanted to write about it, yet I could not. Might be I am preoccupied with many zooming thoughts.
When you have nothing to do, time drags like a snail. I did nothing much though it is a week after I wrote my last paper. Nothing more than watching movies and sleeping, and soon I would be going home. I am excited to be home after a year.
So, I am free, yet not free.